jerlin is feeling so so upset right now .
i felt so restless , helpless and useless
that i couldnt do anything now but just
to cry ): now that i've lost the person who
-know me best
-love me the most
-dote on me the most
-took care of me for my last 15years

she used to
-fetch me from school everyday
-carry my bag for me .
-went to the market early in the morning because
she knows that i dislike school food .
-buy soyabean for me simply because i love to drink.
-buy many clothes for me
-watch tv with me .
-wash my clothes for me .
-give me money when i dont have any .
-cook for me , never once she allow me to starve .
-talk to me nicely even if i did something wrong .
-come ag to visit me
-cry in the nights because she misses me .

i used to
-share with her those new things i bought .
-asking for her opinion and comment abt everything .
-complaining to her that so and so bullies me
-talk to her when i am bathing because i'm scare .
-go market with herand helping her to buy stuffs .
-watch tv with her .
-sleep next to her and kick her in the nights .
-hurt herby causing myself into trouble .
-go back late and make her wait for me the whole night .
-shout at her.
-throw my temper / dragg feeling on her .


granny , this little girl here still needs you to love ,
care and dote on her . she really felt so lost when she
receive the news . why is this happening so sudden ?
why you just leave her just like that without giving
her a chance to talk to you? tell me that its not
goodbye ? tell me that you just tired and wanted to
sleep . tell me that you're still here with me to share
my happiness and sorrows. please dont go ):


this thing really too sudden lers.
i seriously still cant accept the fact that i've lost her .
i can't imagine how days would be without her .
everything is too late now . in my heart, it is filled
with  regretions and bitteness
i didnt know what to do or what to say . things is so
wrong thesedays . i pray and hope that i'm able to
stay at the wake everyday because this is the least
i cann do .


i miss my best no. 1 ah ma !
you may not be physically with me but i know your
soul is always ard me (: jerlin is trying to be strong
because she know that you wont want to see her
sad. i will pull myself up (:


signinoff``
mina .