i'm always stubborn but this time i'm defeated .

i wish i could turn around and tell every single one of them
' watch me ' at this point of time.
watch how i deal with all the obstacles that come my way .
watch how i decide all the difficulties that come my way .
watch how i live with the path i choose .
but today , i do not have my own decision .
i may be smiling telling you ppl , i will be fine .
but deep inside me , i'm definitely not .

i pretended most of the time .
but how long could i endure more ?
how long could i hold back more ?
how long could i drag more just to feel the lil presence in me ?
i don't look forward to tmr at all .
i hope tonight never ends . i hope tonight when i sleep , i'll never wake .
i hope to hear those few words from mummy ,
telling me she'll support me no matter what decision i've made ,
but it's all only in my dream and not reality .

yknow , since young , i love to make decision by myself .
although many times , i knew i'm moving the wrong side ,
but this stubborn lil me still continue and telling myself not to
regret for any decision that made . yes , until now , i did not
regret at all instead , i thank myself for being stubborn enough ,
therefore , all the thick and thin trained me to be stronger like
how i'm now . many scars that make me stronger . been through
all the things that not every 16s been through . it's not easy , it's tough ,
but i've came so far with my own ability . and i'm seriously proud of
myself . but today , i felt so lousy for the first time . not being able to
protect the lil one that i love with all my heart . due to human's selfishness ,
i've to give up , i've to surrender , i've to abandon .
i knew i would regret in future , definitely . but no one gave me a 3rd path
to cross . i yearn for that little encouragement , i yearn for that little support ,
i yearn for that little assurance . things is not easy , and i only can say ,
i've failed to win that lil . i've lost . forgive me .

many things i've neglected , forgive me .
because , i've not enough time for anymore care and concern .
i need to deal with my own emotions before i'm falling apart sooner or later .
please understand , especially to those whom i truly care , treasure and
cherish from the bottom of my heart .

at this point of time , i miss granny alot , alot .
i knew she would support all the decision i've made .
if only she's still around , she would give me the greatest support .
granny , you're always in my heart . i love you .
i'm gonna visit you this week if i'm feeling better mayb with lil happiness
with me . imissyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (:

alrights ba , gonna get some rest soon . feeling very tired and exhausted .
work was alrights . i'll go as it flows .
words are really powerful but actions are nuts .

signingoff``
♥JCWS